Friday, October 07, 2005

Goal: "Onus Free"

Is this too much to ask or expect? To be "burden" or "blame" free. To have no real "obligations"or disagreeable necessities. "The onus is not on me anymore." Can one live this life with this goal?

I would say that it may be a goal, but not a "realistic goal" and probably not achieveable; at least not within this "mortal coil". I think that most of us are raised with a certain "burden of proof" and I know I was parented with a full measure of "guilt" feeling engendered and expected. It was just part of my "up-bringing". Our church and religious beliefs laid it on thick. There was always the "ride in the car back from almost any function" "Bobby, you did or did not do this." Later on, if something went wrong, on my own, I would wonder if it was "my fault" or "was God punishing me"? I was determined not to do that to my kids, but I suppose I did to a certain extent. There are probably still some expectations upon me as a parent and between me and my sons that could and do produce "guilt", stigma or blame. Some may be connected to my ideal of a "family obligation". They are now all grown men and in some cases parents. They have their own "onuses" to impute or not.

Can a child be raised or allowed to grow up without "onus" even in its mildest form of "obligation"? What happens to that child without any constraints of guilt or blame? Do they become a responsible, self-supporting, "self-actualized" adult? Can they then strive to become "onus free" or (from the Latin) "exonerare" exonerated from or relieved from that "moral sense" or burden or obligation? Or is it too late and too imbedded in their psychi? This may be the grand "experiment" of parenting and "letting go"...which is what "parenting" really is...letting go...gradually...starting at the womb. Most dads eventually have to let go of their daughters to "another man" as they marry. Mom's have an even harder challenge of letting go of their children as they grow away and become different people. This is extremely difficult especially to make it "onun free" obligation... Extented "family" can make it easier or it can make it harder. Love someone? Set them free. Let them go. I'm still working on this. Bob


Post a Comment

<< Home